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熱門搜索:  勵志  故事  青春  青春勵志  勵志名句  勵志名言

最幽默故事段子:作弊

發布時間:2017-06-18 00:24 發布: admin 分類:勵志故事 瀏覽:

勵志人生http://www.hffp168.com):最幽默故事段子:作弊


回去

 

 

小伙子買了輛二手奔馳,做起了網約車的生意。

 

這天,他接了個單,乘客竟是前女友。

 

一路上,兩人相對無語。

 

小伙子專心開車,而前女友卻表情糾結,仿佛在做思想斗爭。

 

到達目的地后,前女友輕聲地對小伙子說:

 

“我們還能回去嗎?”

 

小伙子愣了一下,說:

 

“你確定?回去還得加二十塊。” 

 

 

帶手帕

 

 

小女孩第一天上幼兒園,回家后讓媽媽給她帶零食,媽媽沒同意。

 

第二天,小女孩從幼兒園回家,對媽媽說:

 

“明天讓我帶個手帕吧!”

 

媽媽納悶地問:

 

“要手帕干嗎?”

 

小女孩說:

 

“別的小朋友吃零食的時候,我好擦擦口水。”

 

  

價值

 

 

小雞問母雞:

 

“你今天能不下蛋,帶我出去玩嗎?”

 

母雞道:

 

“不行,我必須下蛋!”

 

小雞說:

 

“可你已經下了這么多蛋了!”

 

母雞無奈地對小雞說:

 

“孩子,你要記住,一天一個蛋,菜刀靠邊站;一月不生蛋,高壓鍋里見。”

 

 

不掉色

 

 

張飛跟一個賣餅的在吵架,劉備趕來勸架。

 

張飛怒道:

 

“這餅黑了兩塊,我讓他換換,他不肯!”

 

劉備問:

 

“那他為什么不肯?”

 

張飛氣呼呼地道:

 

“他非說這兩塊是我給摸黑的。混賬東西,老子黑是黑,可從來不掉色啊!”

 

 

理想

 

 

小男孩一心想著長大后擺地攤。

 

媽媽訓斥他說:

 

“以后不準說擺地攤,沒出息!再有人問,你就說長大后要出國念書,上哈佛大學!”

 

后來,再有人問他:

 

“長大后要干什么?”

 

他便回答:

 

“出國念書,上哈佛大學!”

 

那人又問:

 

“那大學畢業后呢?”

 

他白了那人一眼,說:

 

“擺地攤啊!”

 

段子

孔明燈

 

 

媽媽帶著兒子放孔明燈。兒子問:

 

“我們放上天的孔明燈多少錢一個?”

 

媽媽回答說:

 

“一百塊吧。”

 

兒子趕緊說:

 

“一百塊就買個燈,這也太貴了吧?還不如把錢給我呢!”

 

媽媽看了兒子一眼,說:

 

“給你一百塊,你倒是能上天啊!” 

 

 

海鷗

 

 

爸爸帶著四歲的兒子在海邊玩,突然發現沙灘上有一只死了的海鷗。

 

兒子問:

 

“爸爸,它怎么了?”

 

爸爸回答道:

 

“它死了,到天堂去了。”

 

兒子又問:

 

“爸爸,那上帝為什么又把他扔下來了?”

 

  

博士哥哥

 

 

哥哥是醫學博士。

 

過年回家,弟弟一直站在他身后。

 

哥哥就問他:

 

“你為啥老跟在我后面呢?”

 

弟弟說:

 

“我這是體驗一下博士后的感覺。” 

 

 

作弊

 

 

這年,高考作弊入刑。

 

某考生因高考作弊被抓,進了拘留所。

 

拘留所里,另一個人見考生衣著整齊、舉止斯文,便好奇地問他:

 

“你是怎么進來的?”

 

考生回答道:

 

“說出來你可能不信,我是通過考試進來的!”

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